sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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