when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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