i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize