I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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