but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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