I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
