my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
