hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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