Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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