my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
