Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
