Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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