so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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