What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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