It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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