Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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