there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize