I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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