Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
