For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found the puke drawer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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