i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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