my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
