That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
