With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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