We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
