I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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