So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
