My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
