I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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