I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
