No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
