Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
