Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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