I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
