I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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