Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
