I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
