you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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