OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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