under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
