Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
