We won't sleep together?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
