At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
