I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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