Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
