I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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