ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
