We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
