He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
