we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
