just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
