i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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