So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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