He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
be right there i have to get my cape
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
