Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
