i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
