I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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