well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
