I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come share oat with me in your robe
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
