First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
