My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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