You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
