meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
