there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
