perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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