This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
