Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
