honey bunches of taint.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
