There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
