everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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