I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
