I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
