I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
